I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
