sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
