DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
