it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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