I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
