to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
