My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
