is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
