from now on my penis is your penis
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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