i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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