we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
