u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
