i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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