What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
