It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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