I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
