I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
