I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
