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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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