She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
