This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
