My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
