I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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