Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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