So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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