Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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