dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
false alarm. still invincible.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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