bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
