I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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