It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
