did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
