3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
