5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??