new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.