Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card