What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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