i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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