I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
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Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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