I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
