I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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