Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
