I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
