you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry about my life...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize