The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
