i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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