I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
