I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
