you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
