Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
