I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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