We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
