But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
