i think i have two assholes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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