6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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