Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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