Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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