Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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