Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
