I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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