and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
