Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
