Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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