Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
