My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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