Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
