I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
