Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
